My friends and I all vacillate between coping and not. One of them suggested that the rest of us move closer to her so that we can get to each other easier when we need help. Which is often, it seems. I like this idea in some ways; forming your own little community or family in addition to or perhaps in place of a biological family. Being cooperative and shit. We are all so neurotic. We are bothered by minute details and sometimes it feels like we have to pussyfoot around each other. Maybe that’s mostly me because I am so “sensitive.” Anyway…you don’t need to be married with kids to feel accepted in secure--it’s not the only way. I know this. Sometimes I feel towards some version of it. Not necessarily getting married, but partnering up with someone and maybe even being a step mom/adult role model. I can’t imagine a child coming out of me. Neurotic only child procreating? Doesn’t feel right to me. I think I’d just be nervous all of the time. And I wouldn’t want the responsibility all of the time. But getting to be around a kid or kids sometimes might be all right, I think, as I enjoy being around the 4 year old, 9 year old, and 13 year old who belong to other people. What am I talking about here? Oh, options. People marry and you don’t see them as much if you aren’t married. It’s happened to me a lot. I think I’d seclude myself a little bit if I finally partnered up with someone whose presence and support quieted my neuroses rather than riled them, but I hope I wouldn‘t become one of those people that dismisses their single friends’ problems as trivial, or someone who just could never “find the time” to socialize with those friends. But for now it might be nice to really take the initiative as friends to help one another. I can’t make someone who is “right for me” appear out of nowhere, and I really, really, really, really can NOT allow myself and go out and get drunk and fool around with guys I shouldn’t, anymore. If I want to get to know ago, no genital exposure the first time we hang. Kevin told me that, he is right! Ok I know I sound like a warped version of SATC’s Charlotte, but it’s something I think I might try…because the other way hasn’t worked out for me. And…oh yeah. So centering myself, hanging out, helping out friends, writing MORE substantial essays/stories, and challenging my comfort zone….this is what should be my focus now.

Ok now completely switching gears….So Friday I got my ugly tattoo covered up! My friend Verity kicks ass and you Milwaukeeians should give her some business. She’s on my friends page and I am gonna post the tat pics very soon. 3.5 hours! My first real tat, very very colorful. I like it a lot, but am anxious to work towards creating/finalizing an actual real piece. Afterward I battled the throngs of dumb, drunk, slow moving fucks at Summerfest. Allright, that’s harsh, as most of the people weren’t acting like assholes, there were just a lot of them, but still…MOVE! Get it NYC style people! SassyJ and I saw Cheap Trick--one of the few remaining real rock bands that can still rock it. I was really eager to see them before one of them gets all sick and croaks or something. Way in back we could see but the sound was shit, so we moved closer up on the side where it sounded really gooood. They played my favorite song, Taxman, Mr. Thief and it was not quite as good as on the Music for Hangovers CD, where they include “the bridge,” but it still sounded fantastic. After gobbling down a five dollar chicken pesto sandwich and washing it down with a small cup of Sprecher Micro Light or whatever it’s called, I felt pretty relaxed as opposed to near dizzy from lack of food and a bit of loss of blood. Of course they busted out with the crowd pleasers like The Flame, Dream Police, I Want You to Want Me, Surrender, and Dream Police. They played some stuff from their new album Rockford which sound pretty good, and they did their cover of Big Star’s song “In the Street,” aka the That ‘70s Show theme song. A few songs seemed too sped up, but overall they sounded good, to me. My fucking dumb ass wore this plasticy jacket from Old Navy that just facilitated the sweat, so the saran wrap covering my tat came off immediately. I was so paranoid someone was going to spill beer all over it. Probably wouldn’t have hurt it but I would’ve been upset. Some ugly spiky haired little dork spilled his shit on my on the way out and looked at me like it was my fault. So of course I had to tell him he was ugly. Ah, Summerfest, bringing out the best in us all! At least 2 of 3 times were more than tolerable. Oh! Also on the way out, I took pleasure seeing the cops escort out four bonehead frat boy types, you know, backward caps, baggie jerseys, jean shorts two sizes too big, sneakers…one’s drunken blond girlfriend was running alongside them yelling drunken at the cops, and what looked like one of their mothers, seriously, trailed behind them, looking equally drunk, but dazed. Classic Summerfest moment. Another good one was seeing one of the Milwaukee Characters my friends know come sauntering down the aisle, doing the drunk Summerfest groove dance, puffing on a cigarette and holding his cup of beer during The Flame, and then watching him choose which aisle of seats he was going to continue sauntering down in hopes of finding an open space so he could stand and actually see the band. Fucking funny. I couldn’t see shit, but managed to check out Zander in his cowboy hat and sunglasses, covering up that fried ass hair and face (I saw them REALLY close up in a Wal-mArt in Hales Corner awhile back--did I write about that?) and Rick Nielsen came to my side of the stage a few time. He’s a great front man, and he takes care of his home town.

Today I had the opportunity to hear Alison Bechdel, a very smart cartoonist, read from her new graphic novel, Fun Home, at Broad Vocabulary. She showed some slides and narrated them, and then she also explained the extensive process she uses to create each panel. It was really interesting to hear her talk about that. She’s just very nice and cool, and she even drew a little mini self portrait of herself (I think?!?) in my omnibus of her work I asked her to sign. Afterwards we went down to Palamino for very tasty bloody marys, and then over to a Polka Festival near my friend’s house. Holy Shit! They had a silent auction set up and it was the kitschiest, queerest, downright strangest and I hate to say it, lamest selection I’ve ever seen. Gift sets of Brut and Jovan Musk for Men! Toiletries that looked years old and like they came from the dollar store originally! Dozens of Christmas dolls and decorations. The gifts baskets for a cat and a dog were the best things I think I saw! Don’t mean to insult the people who donated the stuff; it was just bizarre! I think the bids were really low anyway, just to raise some money for the churches.

My friend was bummed the rib dinners--and that’s one pound of bbq ribs along with a baked potato, roll and corn on the cob--were sold out by the time he tried to order, but he seemed satisfied with the Klement’s Italian sausage. As we sat and ate, a grandpa squeezed past my other friend, and spilled a little Pepsi. He looked at her and exclaimed saucily, “Oh too bad! I missed ya!” Haha. Wrinkly old sassy old man. I love it. Then the Mexican preacher comes trolling past everyone, selling fiver raffle tickets for a dollar. The prize? A HUGE bottle of Jack Daniels. Yes. All of this, I saw it! Milwaukee’s South Side, it’s good for people watching. For some reason I thought it would be funny to drink a wine cooler, but it was just gross. Alcoholic jolly rancher.

So the finale of this grand event, for me at least, was when the “honkiest polka band around” began playing, and all of the old couples and little kids started busting their moves. This one guy was wearing these tight, dark jeans with white stitching and actual eagles embroidered on the flares, along with an eye catching belt and a tee shirt that read POLSKA tucked in. Another guy was wearing this too obvious hair piece. It seemed like he was trying to gain the look he had as a young man, which was sort of sad, but he was so cute dancing around, and once he walked past me and smiled at me. I love all of the grandpas! My last favorite was so confident and actually hardcore with his moves. He moves his granny all around and even did little kicks. Fierce! But watching this watered down revelry only proved interesting for a short amount of time. I liked it though. Got to try and respect how different people live and enjoy each other.