uck the Christian Right!
I am sure most of you Milwaukeeians have heard about the incident that happened over the weekend, where a rather large man punched a lesbian and a gay man repeatedly in the face because he had a problem with them being openly gay and discussing WI's impending referendum, which will ask whether or not constituents think we should weave discrimination into our state constitution by banning gay marriage or civil unions (which affect the elderly and other folks, gay or not, who are in long standing relationships).

If you haven't, go to www.jsonline.com or something. I'm sure the story is in there by now.

I saw the footage on the news Tues night and it was appalling.

Then, yesterday morning as I was rushing to work, I pulled up behind a van that held two sketchy, scary looking white dudes (that's how they looked, in their flannels with their weather-beaten, weasely looking faces). The van sported two bumper stickers. One read, "If you are a REAL Christian, you know that Abortion and Homosexuality are SIN." The other one read, "Are you a REAL Christian? I-888-YRU-REAL." (Anyone want to call that number? I sure don't!)

I was seething when I saw this bumpersticker. I understand there's freedom of expression and all that, and I have my own liberal fucking stickers on my junkheap of a car, but what the fuck is up with this SHIT? Crazy wackass religious fucks, beating people (well, ok, I don't know if dude considers himself a REAL Christian, but it's likely...) and making sure everyone knows they feel that homosexuals do not deserve equal rights.

I am getting so, so mad about the referendum. I just don't know that we are going to beat it down. There's a lot of lefties, gays, lesbians, and elderly who will go vote in opposition to it, but I think there are MORE conservative, illogical, hateful motherfuckers who are so much better at mobilizing the masses who will turn up. I think of people who are so fucking apathetic, who will not exert energy on anything that doesn't pertain to them, yet they have nothing against gays, and I am trying to think of ways to reach them without screaming my head off or being preachy. I want to talk to my classes about it too, but I am slightly wary because I am new and need this job, and a lot of the kids are conservative here. I may be underestimating them, though.

I hope those of you from WI who read this are planning on voting against the referendum (and for Doyle, too. yeah, he is a bit sketch with the campaign contributions, but Green is too, and plus Green backs the referendum, and is completley anti-woman, voting in favor of everything from illegalizing abortion to allowing pharmacists to deny birth control). And help spread the word to others you know....

I am living the 9-5 life again. It's strange. I dislike schedules. I have a hard time getting out of bed. I just lay there, and lay there. I test the clock. It's about 8 minutes fast, but I tell myself it's 10 minutes fast. I usually get up 15 minutes later than I should, and I have to rush around. Then I have to speed. 40 down Capitol, 10-15 over on the freeway, all the way, to make the 35-40 minute drive in 30 minutes. I've been fifteen minutes late once, and five minutes late several times, and I haven't even been employed there a full month, yet. The atmosphere is laid back, so I don't really sweat it, and one day I stayed a few minutes late to finish tutoring a girl. But part of me wonders if I am attempting slightly to sabotage myself. The insecurity I normally carry has been intensified by the low self esteem that comes with adjunct teaching, and I am second-guessing myself like a motherfucker.

I was talking with acquaintances this weekend, explaining how it's even stressful to send emails now that I have the title of "writing specialist." I mean fuck, that doesn't allow me to making any typing mistakes at all. I have made one or two anyway, minor things, and only while emailing to the people I work with directly. I proofread the mass email I sent to faculty and staff upteen times, because I don't feel that I can ask someone else to proofread for me, as the writing specialist, even though those fluorescent lights burn holes in my eyes some days. I'm also preoccupied with conciseness. I have to get that academic conciseness back. I need to write more and more and more.

So that's hard, and there was some tension today. Driving home, stuck in the jam at 894 almost everyday. It fucking blows. I haven't been eating enough, either, and last Thursday I didn't eat lunch when I should have and I was a loony during my reading skills class. An incoherent loony teacher who had to keep asking if she was being clear. Man! Gotta avoid that! Gotta model behavior I expect from my students, because I just advised one to eat before he began his paper. Last Friday. He was so jumpy. He told me hadn't eaten much, so I said, eat! Dang.

They seemed to like the Sex and the City episode. Miranda says "fuck that bitch" twice and Harry's white little ass floats around almost the entire episode, but I forgot about the part where Samantha describes tea-bagging as "You know, when you put the guy's balls in your mouth." Shit. I hope I don't get fired! But I did check in with the English department chair, and she said it would be all right as long as I could justify it educationally, and I could.

I have overly socialized myself the past three weekends. Too much drinking, and talking, and being out and about, and people watching, gossiping, bickering, drinking…This weekend, on Friday, I drank a bottle of wine in an hour at Jana's and then went to a new acquaintance's house and irritated his neighbors with my big, drunken babble. Ah, yes, the mouth of Milwaukee in full effect. I felt bad when I found out yesterday, when I was at Taylor's, of all places, for a charity auction-type-thing (where someone bought me a drink because I kept an eye on his $20 bill that flew into the ice vat--yay!). Friday also brought me to some other acquaintances' house, folks from the p-rock days that I only vaguely knew but always liked. We watched us some eighties heavy metal videos. Dee Snider sure has a huge fucking bulge. My hangover Saturday was severe, and I could not really walk up right until after 2pm. A few of us went to Center Street days in the rain, stopping at Foundation first for a blueberry Stoli and tonic, which really cut through my hangover (must have been the antioxidants in the distilled blueberries, like my friend pointed out!) Those events are allright. It's something free to do, outside, and you run into people you know, but then sometimes that's not so pleasurable.

Saturday night was the oi band's reunion show, which I attended mainly to hang out with friends and support my out of the country friend's bro, who is in the band. I have really little knowledge of oi, but the spirit of that music is extremely contagious. It's powerful in a unique way, I think. Lyrically, it's pretty apathetic (I do understand these dudes were young when they wrote the songs), and I don't always dig that, although sometimes I can…and some of the fans are knuckleheads, but most of the people "in the pit" weren't even skins, they were punks, and there weren't any brawls. The singer for the band is really fucking sexy, too. I sort of just stood back and took it in, getting annoyed only once when a bunch of backwashed Blatz hit me in the side of the face.

Last weekend was slightly similar, the Bayview bash during the day on Sunday, and hanging out with folks from the p-rock days at night. It's been fun, and interesting, reconnecting with these guys, reading mentions of some of them in my journals. Our goofy little crowd that day, me, Brazilians, my sports loving raver dude friends, and the p-rock grown ups. Up too late, though, and hangover on Sunday…which was ok, because my plan for the day was to watch the WB farewell all day with yet another recent acquaintance who I slightly remembered from fucking 14 years ago. Man, there's something going on with all of this. It's hardest with the boys. I don't know if my feelings come from the now or the past. Don't know how to act. Can only let time pass, to see, I guess. But I'm feeling salty I haven't been more productive. I was really wiggy and depressed last week, but I'm feeling pretty good right now, even though I think I'm getting a cold. Next Sat my girl from Chicago is coming to visit, well, one of them, so I hope I ain't sicky then…

I am in between classes. I am the new teacher at a new school again, and it can be frustrating. Understanding your students takes time, as each school's population differs slightly. They are slumped in their chairs and it is hard to tell whether it's because they disinterested or because they are tired, or hungry, or still feeling nervous themselves. Today was better, though. Even though people didn't speak up a lot, we got a bit of a discussion going about consumerism. I think a lot of the ideas coming up in the readings are somewhat baffling to the students, so maybe they are merely processing information. I do not think it would be good to get too pushy with this group. I think (hope) things will liven up when we talk about their papers in class, which will happen in about two weeks.

I showed them some web sites today as part of our discussion, but that didn't even seem to wake them up, the visuals. There are some smart kids in there, I can tell. I need to more patient, perhaps. Thursday I am going to show them part of a Sex and the City episode, maybe the whole thing. The one guest starring Tatum O'Neal, when Carrie's Manolos get stolen. It fits in perfectly with the unit, and hopefully will make for interesting discussion. Just have to ensure that there's not a lot of nudity or vulgarity in that episode.

As an aside, boy there's a lot of young punx attending this school. Bringing back the memories...

Last night I went to see Shellac and Uzeda down at MSOE. My good friend Rob set it up. I thought Uzeda's performance was superior to Shellac's. They were more intense, and they sounded better. Shellac were being too goofy for my tastes--well Albini and Weston were. They chit chatted a lot, and while Albini was either tuning or replacing a broken string--I couldn't see--Weston started up this question and answer session with the crowd They were funny, for sure, and it's always refreshing to see/hear a band break down some barriers and interact with the crowd, but it went on too long, I thought. They really jabbed at the dude who asked them what kind of microphone they use to record acoustic performances. Albini said no nerd fodder, no information to post up on your blog! I liked that, cause look at me now, I'm posting on my blog....Someone asked them if they had ever been to outer space and Weston deadpanned, YES, and with his large frame and neon-ish wristbands, you'd believe him. Oh! Another thing I liked is when the audience member were shouting out questions pertaining to the Touch & Go music fest that occurred in Chicago over the weekend, Albini was like, they're just trying to show how cool they are, don't let them shame you hard working Wisconsinites who had family obligations. I'm not quoting verbatim here, but something like that. It's cool Albini totally cuts right through that sort of stupid pretense.

I got to meet two of the people from Uzeda, and the cutest one kissed my cheek. Gotta love European custom! And I got to see several eye candy boys, and I met a girl with these awesome cat tattoos. Really, a good time.

****

Ok so I just heard about the gang rape of that 11 year old HIV + girl. 19 men raped her. Fucking NPR commentator said "had sex with." I HATE THAT SHIT. Saying "had sex with" infers it was a consenual act. Clearly, this was not consenual. Even if the girl agreed to one or two of the guys, she asked to leave the house, and they didn't let her. No matter how fucked up she might be, grown men gang fucking someone so young is clearly sick. There were some teen boys involved as well. Damn, Milwaukee is fucked up. What goes on in these folks' minds? I'm so disgusted, but I should calm down and stop slacking--gotta teach in a few.

Gonna be the five year anniversary of Sept 11th in 24 minutes.

All night I’ve had the song “Head Spin” by that goth rocker Lucas who’s on Rock Star (Supernova) playing in my head. I watch the show for the brief glimpses I get of Tommy Lee, who is so goddamn sexy, but like Jbean says, once he opens his mouth, well, you cringe because he is so dumb and speaks only in gruff one word catch phrases.

The past week went by pretty quickly. 4 days at the new job, 2 of them teaching, going all right I think. I have two disabled students in my Reading class, and one suffers from involuntary spasms. I asked the class what internal distractions they face while reading, and he called out SEIZURES! HA! I love a student with a sense of humor! I couldn’t hear him though. I said, “Caesars? What?” Dumbass! I need to listen more closely. The whole class called out SEIZURES! Ay ya! I think I’m getting their attention in English class though. We talked a lot last class. I have to get them more involved in the next class.

I’ve been thinking about my friend a lot. He’s really sweet and awesome; really, he’s one of the most thoughtful and since guys I know. His wife is divorcing him for what I think is a reprehensible reason, although if I knew her maybe I’d understand a bit better. But I don’t know. I don’t know that I ever want a traditional, long term relationship, but to drop someone like my friend just seems ludicrous, especially because he didn’t cheat on her or anything that would spur most people to divorce court. I just feel sad, and I’m amazed that he is as functional as he is. I would not be. People treat each other so shitty. I hate it. It’s all I’ve been hearing about lately, although I did spend some time with my married friends who are the role model couple. Gives me a bit of hope, but they’ve known each other forever, and they hadn’t dated a lot of other people so their heads didn’t get fucked up by being fucked with by the other people they didn’t. Not to say it’s easy for them to maintain such a healthy relationship, but I just mean they haven’t been poisoned like some people have. I just block out my feelings. It’s easier that way. Or I blow them out of proportion. Anything to make them less real.

Anyway, so I met my friend back in 1994 when we were both really lefty political PC basement punx. I’ve been rethinking the past a lot since we hung out last Saturday, reading journals and stuff. I regret being so focused on fitting punk police‘s standards, but I don’t regret being passionate about music or politics, even though I yelled about what I believed and tried to force my views on people. I would’ve been more effective if I had calmed the fuck down a bit, but I was (am) smart, and passionate, and those are good, good characteristics.

We went to Chicago on Friday. My friend had her first art opening. Her work is really cool. I hate driving in Chicago, really, really I do, unless it’s in Logan Square after 2am, but I like going down there once in awhile. The energy level is so flat, though. It’s strange. There’s some places, some dive bars, restaurants, and museums of course, that I enjoy, but I really don’t think I’d want to live there again. Taking the CTA and/or driving in that traffic frequently would wear me down fast. We checked out a few other galleries but I didn’t really see anything that impressed me. Her work was actually my favorite, friend or not! They took me to this bar Skylark that offered $2.50 Point beers, which I enjoyed. Totally my kind of place. I’d never been to Pilsen before. Seemed allright. Driving driving to Wicker Park, Gold Star flooded with hipsters. No way. Out the door to Phyllis’s and stupid Pete was there. Dumb fucking ass. I wanted to kick him in his shins hard, and I was wearing my boots! But I managed to abstain. Drove back to Uptown, got caught in obnoxious, unbearable east Division St traffic. It’s where Mothers bar is. Such wanna bes all trying so hard to have a good time partying on a Saturday night in Chicago. Going out on the weekends never was that fun. Thurs, Suns were better. I had to get up at 8am to plug my meter. That’s why I can’t live there. That kind of shit.

In the morning the guys watched soccer and me and Heidi chit chatted while she made yummy eggs and chicken appley sausages from Whole Foods. I’m so jealous of their apartment, but someday….

I didn’t sleep well. When we got back to Milwaukee, I ended up sleeping from 2pm-6pm, then I had to wake my ass up, shower, and get down to Racine for my friend’s graduation party. Lots of family and kids there. So different from our old punk rock scene. One person from it’s dying from cancer. He might have died from crack and heroin, but it looks like it’s gonna be cancer. Fucked up. Benito was so lit up; he flashed his dimple and giggled his drunken Benito giggle all night, kept telling me how fond of me he is. We‘ve known each other about 15 years now. He has these pictures of me and I truly did look like my namesake/nickname, Marcie from Peanuts. Bob and huge, I mean HUGE dorky glasses. Tights under shorts, Pixies tee shirt velvet biker jacket and pleather punker boots cuz I didn‘t wear leather (I was a member of PETA back then). All of his brothers were there and they all have those damn cute as hell dimples. Paul’s is kind of hidden, but it’s there. I had my first S’more in years. We tried playing Ouija board with Benito’s nephew, who’d just finished his first week in high school, but it was too loud, too many distractions, and I don’t believe in that game anymore. I told him he and his friends needed to go play it later in a quieter environment where they could concentrate.

When I got home I smelled strongly of bonfire. It sort of distracted me while I slept, but I was too lazy and way, way, way too tired to shower. It wasn’t so bad. Tony told me I was cute. I think I blushed. He’s so quiet and then he tells me I’m cute. Haha. I’m glad people love me. I love people but bury my feelings a lot. Don’t convey it.
Today there were two bizarre incidents. Rebecca and I walked her dog down Brady St and over to the lake, near the art museum. A kite festival was going on and people were flying some cool, huge kites shaped like squids, centipedes, and scorpions. On the way back, on the other side of Lincoln Memorial Dr, a person dressed like a clown whizzed by on a little motorized car, looked over in our direction with that freshly painted, garrish, scary clown face complete with the drawn on smile, and then looked away. The day was overcast, and I’d just been talking with Heidi about the clown in Stephen King’s book It. *Shiver*.

Bec was gonna make us Bloody Marys, but she needed some tomato juice. I held her dog while she waited in the long line at Walgreen’s. When she came out, we had to pass the tiny terrier variation dog tied by the garbage can. The little midget fuck lunged at Ruby, revealing its sharp dagger teeth, snarling fiercely, and I do mean fiercely for a little rat of a dog. Then its leash slipped from the garbage can, and tried to bite Bec! But I grabbed the leash and managed to pull it away. Crazy little fuck. I wanted to go find its owner to tell him or her that the dog wasn’t securely fastened to the pail, and the owner was older and bat shit crazy. The dog’s name was Peanut. I petted it. It was like Jeckel and Hyde dog. Super awful then super cute. Brady St is still so full of freaks.